i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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