i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
