ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
