the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
