ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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