I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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