There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
