we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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