If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
honey bunches of taint.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
