My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
