Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
