he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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