I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
