matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
