scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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