one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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