you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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