im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
