and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
