I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
