Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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