Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
