Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
