The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
