i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
