I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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