Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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