he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
