why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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