You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
