I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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