Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
