Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he thought i was a dude.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
