Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
