And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You dont lie about slip and slides
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
