He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
