I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
