so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
