Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
