glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
