Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
