its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
