sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
