so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
