Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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