Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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