i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
