There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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