Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
