Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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