Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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