there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
