You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
