I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
