I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
