1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
